Lost Reflections

Frog ReflectMany people find answers by searching their soul, I do not. Some people think about granting and asking forgiveness, I do not. I am certain there are many circumstances for which I should grant and ask forgiveness, but I do not think about those circumstances. When I began writing this reflection, I was forced to confront my previously unanswered questions. Why don’t I search my soul? Why don’t I think about forgiveness? Writing my thoughts helped me realize that I am not afraid of what I will find if I were to reflect, but what I will not find when I try to remember.

My actions, or in this case lack of actions, are not based on religious, spiritual, cultural, political, or familial beliefs.  The fact is that cancer, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation have hidden many of my memories in a part of the brain where I cannot find them. I’m sure the memories are up there, but I simply cannot find them. I don’t remember what it is I did wrong, what I could have done differently, or what I need to forgive. I obviously have some memories or I would not be able to write this, but the memories I need for the soul searching and forgiveness seem to have disappeared for now.

Please understand that I consider cancer and my lack of memory to be a gift. Rather than knowing I have a past for which I must repent, I now have an opportunity to create a future for which repentance is less necessary.

Let us all make the life ahead one of health, healing, happiness, listening, understanding, sharing, optimism, and great memories.

Questions

  • If your memory is not great, how do you compensate for a poor memory?
  • If your memory is fantastic, how do you use your memory to help others?
  • How do reflections benefit you?
  • What are some of the ways in which people can reflect?

Thanks to Tracy and Sue for sharing the value of reflections with me, Jack C. Crawford and Charles Apple for encouraging me to share more of my personal experiences, Juliette for inviting me to share my reflection, Bing, and all the people who made it possible for me to include the picture I used in this post.

2 Comments

  1. Dear Scott, Thank you for sharing this with us. It is so touching. I too have lost memories, and am continuing to loose them. It was after I found my self trying to tell my daughter too many stories of my childhood, in too much detail, that we realized something was terribly wrong. I was trying to make her into the keeper of my memories. I began looking at all the pictures and family heirlooms I’d kept for her, fear gripped my heart that she would loose the stories that belonged to the pieces. I used to reflect nightly on my actions of the day, and ask for and grant forgiveness, now I live much more in the moment. I try to do my best with the moment, hoping that I don’t offend or hurt anyone. My life has become a truly spiritual one, because I am able to treasure little moments with loved ones and feel gratitude for so many things. Sending Light and Love to you, Christene

    1. Christine, there are two activities that help me remember, perhaps they will help you too: 1) writing and 2)dreaming.

      I never realized how therapeutic writing would be until I started this blog. I believe writing forces my mind to remember details I had forgotten long ago. There is nothing like a deadline (whether actual or self-imposed) to encourage your brain to work smarter. This brings me to my second point. We each have only 24 hours per day. Why not make use of the time you send sleeping? Dreaming about a problem or lost memory is fairly easy for me I simply think about the problem or lost memory all day and the same thoughts enter my dreams. When I wake up (middle of the night or in the morning) the have a possible solution to the problem and slightly more detail about the lost memory. I write the information quickly so I don’t forget it. Neither the writing nor dreaming work for everyone.

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